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Wednesday, July 25th, 2012
12:29 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
Testing... testing... 1. 2. 3.

Is anybody out there?

I just want to check. The environment of the social internet has changed. Livejournal went from being a legitimate blog site to a simple online presence checker for people around nerdy communities to then cater specifically to Russians and tight-knit fandoms and communities.

I'm not Russian or of any strong fandom or community. Most of my online presence lets itself out on Facebook which is currently deactivated.

I think my attention span and way of thinking and expressing myself has changed as a result. I look at some of the shit I posted back in the day and I cannot believe how tore I was nor do I know how the fuck I got into that state.

I think I was all the better for it.

To whomever else is out there... let me know that you're there. Tell me what you're doing on LJ and if it's still got a place for me. I sort of miss the LJ heydey. People's thoughts and reflections built up over time and weren't dispensed in the incremental bursts of Facebook and Twitter. It was more dishonest in a way... but lies are more fun. The feedback and comments were also more engaging. The multi-threaded comments made for much more fun and sprawling circlejerks.

current mood: Tore

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Friday, October 29th, 2010
2:28 am
I get the distinct feeling that my years of being a dick is going to catch up with me soon.

current mood: Worried

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2010
8:03 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
So like, a bunch of stuff happened to me and it made me feel a lot of different feelings and some were bad and some were good and some were completely opposite to each other and made me feel like I shouldn't have been feeling them at all. I had feelings that made me have other feelings about those feelings and those feelings made me feel confused. Oh man... I'm such a horrible person for my feelings but can you tell me something to make me feel better?

Like... I dunno man like... I just dun-no.

current mood: Feelings

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Sunday, May 2nd, 2010
I want to see her cry.

Is that so wrong?

current mood: Step, step, step

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Thank god... I thought you were going to ask me to suck your dick or something...

Read more...Collapse )

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Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
6:54 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I think this might have fucked with my head when I was a kid.

Back in grade six, I had this friend who I guess was coming along faster than me in puberty. He had some porn mags. The kind that were A5 size and were much easier to hide. They also weren't those crappy Picture or People mags that don't show genitals that you can get at 7-11 when you're 15. And they were also hardcore by our standards then. I know that 12-year-olds these days can get all the porn they want from the internet these days. But yeah... we had to make do with what we could in those days.

He lent me some for my copy of Mortal Kombat III (he could obtain depictions of sex but not violence.) I really didn't ask for them. I just didn't think much of lending a game I hardly played. And suddenly I found myself with porn.

Anyway... I kept them in pillowcase and would peruse them when I'd get the chance. I didn't actually spank to them. I was too young for that. But I could still appreciate the images.

At some point, my mother found them. I don't think I would have minded being told off and then her just throwing the things away. But she had something greater in mind to get a point across to me.

After dinner one night I went into my room feeling like browsing. When I opened up one of the mags, I saw that my mother had cut and pasted her and my sister's head from our family photos on to the head of all the models in the porn. I was seeing my mother getting double penetrated, my sister sucking black cock (she was eating an ice-cream in the original photo) and all sorts of things that I'm sure left a lasting scar on me.

In the fold out where you saw the girl being done reverse cowgirl, my mother was looking back at me. She had written across the page "Women are your mothers and your sisters! Do not disrespect or dishonor them!"

Anyway... to this day I still have bad thoughts of Mortal Kombat III because I was never able to finish it. My mother had destroyed my friend's porn and I couldn't get the game back from him.

current mood: I feel good

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Monday, April 6th, 2009
12:41 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I had a really wonderful weekend.

Consider this a tribute to all the people in my life who make it worth living.

Clyde's weekend starring:

Richard (Rant)
Allen (Crown tech dude)
Arthur (Ozani)
Daniel (Shadz)
Yason (Names)
Akino Yakushi (Forgot real name)
Dude building a Gadessa (?)
David (Film buff)

This was very special. Not just for the number of people I saw. Not just for the varying degrees of depth in the exchanges I had. Not just for the random chain of events. Not just for the lack of shitty downfalls. I can't quite say it now but it was special and I never want to forget it.

current mood: Clyde

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Monday, February 23rd, 2009
7:41 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I woke up this morning disappointed.

I had a dream and what I remember of it was two parts. The first part is a girl I know tickling my leg while I'm diagnosing a computer or something.

The second part is my brother and I talking about astronomy or some shit. Now I know nothing about astronomy. And I'm not sure what my brother knows but I do know that he has some pretty off-beat shit in that head of his. Now he brings up a subject and I say something like "Isn't that a celestial body?" then he says "No. It's actually an alentical body." I had never heard that word before.

Now because my mind has been destroyed by the internet, my brain is unable to go through a body of text where an unknown word is used and work backwards to discover the meaning. All it can think is "[ctrl]+C -> google bar -> definition." So my dream went all bugfuck. I suddenly knew I was in a dream and HAD TO WAKE UP TO GET ON GOOGLE. Asking my brother in the dream world then and there meant nothing.

So I woke up and tried it. Google search for "Alentical" "Allentical" "Alenntical" and "Allenntical." I got nothing but gibberish. I was really disappointed. Just the thought of acquiring new knowledge from dreams... as though we could reach external channels... that we're always "online" so to speak. Or if not... the possibility that a dream could have penetrated the deepest recesses of my memory and found something so obscure, it would have seemed like new knowledge to me would have been awesome. I had already read about cases of Xenoglossy and stuff like the cuckoo song. Though I never really believed in reincarnation. I thought of those cases as a possibility for augmented subconscious learning or even ESP or some shit. So yeah... I was kind of hoping I'd tapped into that.

This paranormal cock-block has happened to me before too. It was when I was a kid playing Mario 64 and couldn't work out where to get the wing hat switch. I had a dream that you could get it in the same place as the blue invisible hat switch. I went to play Mario 64 and was really depressed.

current mood: Raged

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Monday, January 19th, 2009
11:36 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I just heard a joke today. It was a pretty funny joke. I was laughing for a good minute or so because it was so funny. But I can't for the life of me remember what the joke was.

current mood: Retarded

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
1:46 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
My father called me on my mobile phone and he address me as "bro."

current mood: Depressed

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Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
3:40 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
Manifest 2008 retrospective Collapse )

current mood: Proud/Shame

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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
11:20 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
When I was 16, I had a punching bag. I wouldn't use it very much. I'd just sort of see it when walking to the door and I'd give it a good smack. But every now and then I'd go all out on it. Well... as much as I could. The beam it was suspended from was REALLY high up and the chain was really long. So it would go for really long swings and I couldn't really get the combos going. But it was good because it would be good practice for punching straight by trying to avoid making the bag spin around. But yeah... I didn't use it so much so my hands weren't exactly toughened by it and it would get dirt and dust and stuff on it without me noticing. One time there must have been some sand or something that stuck to it because before I knew it, my knuckles were bleeding. I thought that was so damn hardcore I kept going at it harder and harder until all the skin from my right middle and ring finger knuckles was gone. I wasn't even punching it. I was scraping it. Rubbing. Slowly. Bracing for the pain. Then faster and faster until I couldn't control it. I jumped up on the bag and wrapped my legs around it while biting the top of it and bashing the side with my bloody right hand. The vibrations going through it as I bashed it went directly to my groin and I was feeling arousal and pain at the same time and started rocking on it and thrusting while I kept on punching and screaming.

It was at that moment I think I finally understood what love was. Giving pain. Receiving pain. Giving pleasure. Receiving pleasure. I don't think I've ever felt as strongly for anything in this world as I did for that punching bag that day. After I climaxed I hung on resting my neck against it's chain... stroking it's leather skin... biting that seatbelt material strap... my semen made the red blood on the side glossier.

I was pretty sad when they took it away soon after they found me. But I suppose it's for the better. I think any longer would have spoiled me and any expectations of lovers to come. It's already bad enough I have trouble talking to women.

current mood: Eating Bratwrust

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Monday, June 9th, 2008
5:13 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
Decomposition of a baby pig.

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Sunday, June 1st, 2008
11:11 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I have trouble talking to women.

current mood: Mmm...

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Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
4:36 am - THE REVOLUTION!!!
Oh wow... what a weekend. So much stuff happened. Saw so many awesome people.

But I won't tell you about it.

Today I went to check the mail to see if I'd gotten a reply from my nigga in DC. I didn't. All I got were some results from the clinic. While I was at the mailbox, I saw one of the boys from my street playing with my cat, Katze. I observed for a while until he realized I was watching him. He was a bit scared of me at first because all children are afraid of me. I'm one of those people that animals and children seem to dislike. Which is fine. Every guy I know seems to be an animal person/kid person. But they don't seem to be a girl person because they keep repeating the fact that they are animal/kid people to girls they like who don't like them.

Anyway... the kid sees me and is all scared. He immediately apologizes for playing with my cat as though he'd done something wrong. I just laughed and said it was okay and that he could play with my cat if he wanted. So he played with him for a bit all the while looking over his shoulder at me. After looking at him for about five minutes, he said he was going home to pee. I told him he could use my bathroom. He was a bit reluctant but I convinced him it was okay.

We go into my bathroom and I stand against the wall while he stands over the toilet. He tells me he can't go while I'm watching. I just snort disappointedly and leave him alone in the bathroom. While I'm outside, I wait until I hear piss hitting the water surface of the toilet and I honk my airhorn as a harmless prank. I hear the boy panic for a bit and I ask if he's okay. He tells me not to come in but I come in anyway because he sounds scared of something. Upon walking inside the bathroom I see that he's made a mess everywhere, including on his person. I tell him that I'm a bit disappointed with him but we can clean the bathroom together. So I get a mop while he wipes down the bowl. When we're done with the bathroom, I tell him that it's not quite over. "What do you mean he asks?" I tell him that we still need to do something about him. He was covered in his own urine. I tell him to take his clothes of for me to wash and get into the bath. He really doesn't want to and says he can go home for that. I tell him that won't do because I don't want him dirtying the rest of my house when he leaves.

He eventually complies. I put his clothes in the washing machine while he was in the bath. Then I return to the bathroom to his protests. He doesn't want me to see him bathing apparently. I tell him that I'm going to see that he's cleaned up good and if he doesn't let me make sure of that then I'll tell his parents that he pissed all over my house. He shut up and started sobbing while I took my clothes off and got in the bath with him.


current mood: Thmiley Faeth

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Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
8:29 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I was at the train station minding my own business waiting for my train. I was too tired to play with my DS or read my book or whatever so I just sat and stared at stuff. There was this big fat retarded guy who looked to be in his 30s or 40s or something. He was waddling around picking up metcards off the seats in the shelter. The metcards that were on the floor... he would ask people to pick up for him which was pissing me off. Eventually, he got to my corner of the shelter where a pissed-off looking Asian high school girl was listening to her music and another pissed-off looking Asian dude was playing his PSP. The retard made sure to talk at them extra loudly (and even less audibly) and make the whole situation even more awkward. The Asians eventually complied and picked up the metcards on the floor around them. Then he asked me to pick up a metcard at my feet to which I just smiled at him.

Okay... those of you that know me and have seen my wallet know that it's retardedly thick because it's stuffed with various business cards, change from Bluehouse and a deck of used metcards I never dispose of. I keep the metcards there for when there are inspectors on the train. I like to take my sweet time going through about... eighty cards while they stand there with their dicks in their hands. While I've been keeping them, some lucky fare evader has just gotten to a station and can go on without paying a fine.

Anyway... so I had a deck of used metcards that the retard would have wanted. So I stood up and kicked the the metcard by my feet along the floorboards of the shelter. The retard couldn't take his eye off it. Then I pulled out my deck of metcards and threw them in the air one at a time and he would chase them in the air and try and catch them. As it turns out... he can bend over and pick up metcards if he wants to. He would just rather ask other people. So I start walking and throwing my metcards out one at a time until we're out of the shelter and on to the platform while retard boy eats them up like pac-man. After he's caught about three in mid air without picking one off the ground, I throw one off the platform. He chases it and falls on to the tracks. I piffed what was left of my metcards at his head. I ran out of the station screaming like a mujahideen with that "ALALALALALALALA!" shit. I went into a Korean restaurant and ate bulgogi while laughing my ass off. The Koreans didn't know what I was laughing at but they found it funny too. But they didn't get to see him rolling on his tummy, blubbering and making a kind of sea otter barking noise in pain and calling out "Helen... haaaalp me. *bark* I've faaaaallen. *bark* Haaaaalp meeee..."

That's one of the greatest things to happen to me this week.

current mood: Accomplished

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Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
3:25 am - THE REVOULTION!!!
Fuck Facebook

Seriously... this is killing what made the internet awesome in the first place. I don't know WHY idiots would want to give out their personal details and define their persona that strongly. I don't know why anybody want to read some of the boring data and metadata that people's lives are reduced to with hardly any emotional connotation. I don't know how I could be the kind of guy who uses it as a "a business tool" to network because all the people who I like would probably be a step backwards to networking and "business." Maybe it's because I'm the kind of guy who's got plenty to hide. Which is fine. I hate myself and for that I love myself.

But yeah... web 2.0 is shitting me more and more. It's getting harder to escape reality which was the old internet was awesome. And the escapes provided like WoW or Second Life don't appeal to me that much because they're like all the other web 2.0 with their standardized formats.

What the fuck am I talking about?

current mood: Eyes are sore

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Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
2:26 am - THE REVOULTION!!!
There's this bus that goes near my house. The 824. A bunch of kids catch it to go to the nearby catholic high-school. I catch the bus way to the train station though. I sorta kinda know the kids. I just know of them as my neighbours' kids. And nobody these days really knows their neighbours that well anyway.

Anyway... for one week, I noticed that the usual Moorabbin transit bus that picked them up was replaced by a smaller shuttlebus with the route number on a simple sign inside the windshield. The passengers would get on and it was business as usual. Then I'd get on my bus the other way about a minute later.

On thursday I was running late because I lost my lucky red garter. I ran to the bus stop and saw the kids going to school were already gone and my bus taking off. I was pretty pissed off and the day was looking terrible without my garter. I sat at the bus stop for a minute trying to think of some better excuse for being late (people don't understand the importance of garters) when I saw the big lumbering Moorabbin transit that I was used to bus pull in at the stop. It was mostly empty too.

It was yesterday I was told by mother that the sons of the Indian family on our street went missing.

I think I'm the only one who knows...

current mood: Burnt

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Saturday, April 19th, 2008
3:24 am - THE REVOULTION!!!
...put this up they asshole before they drop it. Jesus... you may have dropped it. You definitely have a different way of doin' it. You a bride. A very attractive bride I might add. Don't let that... don't let it go to your head. One time Princess Diana told me that I was a little bit attractive. And I admit it. I was weird for... ten years after that. I let it go to my head. I was going to clubs. You know what I mean? With like... cold nipples and shit. And I couldn't figure out... after nine and a half years I couldn't figure out why it didn't work. And it was when I figured out it DID work. But then I still had six months of trying it over and over and hating myself more and more and putting dark eyeliner on my eyes. Just to cover up how puffy my eyes really were. But I've grown up since then...

current mood: Coked

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Friday, March 28th, 2008
4:19 pm - THE REVOLUTION!!!
I have no life to report. I'm sorry but I've failed you all. I just want feedback. Any form of feedback. My handle on reality is fucked. I need to be reminded I'm alive.

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